When I see it from the other side, I'm sure I'll understand...

Do you ever tell yourself that? When things happen that you can't find an explanation for, that have no rhyme or reason, don't you wonder why? I do, and then I think, well it will all be clear in heaven. And then I think....why can't it be clear now?! He has His reasons...he IS God after all. So many times in my life I have been able to look back and see His hand...and even in the midst of things sometimes I can see His hand, His work. But many times, I don't.....I can't. He doesn't always tell us all the steps. He will reveal one thing, and expect obedience. That's it. "Trust me.", Jesus says.

That. is. so. hard.

It's something I constantly revisit. It can get messy....because I am the one who makes a mess of it. I rant and I rave. I have tantrums. I am not thankful.....so ungrateful. But then, I remember. I am given memories of all the times He has carried me, that He has guided my way even when I didn't ask Him to or even want Him to. He has a better plan...than I can even imagine. Who am I to think that I can make any kind of plan that could even touch His?! So, I am trying to surrender, to give up myself, to lay down my life. It's tough, it's messy, I drag my family through the muck with me when I wouldn't have to. But, I think that's where we begin to grow....He is almighty, He is all-knowing........and it won't even matter, my understanding, when I get there. My challenge is to learn to hold things lightly in this life, and to give thanks for everything, even the hard stuff, because He sees the big picture, even when I don't.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. ~John 14:27