Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires...courage.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Monday, January 11, 2010

Not an ear to hear...

Ya know, there are just some days when you just don't want talk...or really you do, but you feel no one really cares to listen.

Much of the time, my blogging helps me to say what I want to say, to an audience that's always 'listening'. When I'm talking here, I don't have to watch for body language which tells me the listener is bored, getting angry, impatient, etc. Plus, anyone reading who isn't interested can 'walk away' and I won't even know it. I can just keep on 'talking' until I'm done. And for me, that's a good thing. Sometimes I have things to say....

Body language is a BIG THING for me...and it can make me feel unimportant in a heartbeat. Now, I know that much of that has to do with myself and my "low self-esteem", but don't you think that the person on the receiving end has some responsibility, too? When we're in a conversation, isn't it polite to respond, to look at the person, and to give the speaker a chance to complete his/her thought before throwing up our hands in frustration or "throwing in the towel" so to speak? I have to say I get a bit peeved when a person asks me a question then doesn't wait to hear the answer. They go on with another topic or leave the room....why ask the question at all, then? I will never understand it. And what about that verse in the bible that talks about never letting the sun go down on your anger? Boy have I spent many a night with unresolved issues (and I don't mean just between my husband and I, though that's been the case too). It's really hard to do when only one of you is willing to talk.

I have things to work on...that's obvious. Don't we all?

Today's one of those days of reflection, questioning, and wondering where it's all going to end up. What is my purpose, my calling in life? Is it what I'm doing? Is there something more? And to whom should I speak about it, if anyone? Does it just require more prayer and better listening on my part? Do you know?


mimi said...

Your first line....not wanting to talk,but actually really wanting to....I totally understand that. It can be a frustrating place to be.
Body language is big for me too. The questions you asked are deep. Your purpose..your calling? I think we all go through periods where we wonder those things. I've wondered about all the things you've mentioned. Please email me if you want to chat...vent...encouragement:) I'm a good listener( I think ). ;)

Wendy said...

Mimi, thanks for your comment.I hope this post didn't seem too heavy. I usually try to keep things positive and light-hearted but I also struggle with being REAl...and REAL life isn't always positive, as you very well know! What's funny is that my husband came home with some 'news' last night...after I had written that post...that has caused even more pondering, reflection, questioning, tantrums (yes, I can throw a good one), and sadness....God has such a sense of humor. He knows everything... my struggles, my desires, how He's orchestrating all this for my good...but it's difficult to see my way through sometimes. What IS the purpose, Lord? I don't have to tell you all this because you already have your own struggles and have been through much more than me. I appreciate your kind words and I value your friendship. Thanks for the offer to 'listen'. I just may take you up on that. And you can be sure there will be another post soon to tell more of the story....;)